You know, I want to start off by saying how I feel, how I want everything to just be better…without having to work for it, without the pain and discomfort of having to move forward. I’ve wanted this whole mess to just fix itself. I’ve wanted this for a while. Unfortunately my very mis-actions and desires have contributed in making it worse. That, to me, is the reason for this meeting, along with everyone’s breakdown of communication for reasons of keeping the peace, doubt or cowardice. In the end these reasons mean nothing.
Can they help us reach an understanding? Maybe, but what is done is done. Now is the time for space and healing.
I want to tell you that you are loved, regardless of how you feel, or perceive things to be. Regardless of everything that is shared here today, I for one do care deeply about you. I have been worried about you for quite some time. It hasn’t been just the occurrences here, either. There have been stories relayed by you about not getting along with others. As a ‘for instance’ your Aikido class has been troubling to you. You and your Sensei had not been getting along. I do not believe these separate incidences are coincidences.
I believe something is going on in your life that you are not happy with, that you cannot control; and so you try to control what you perceive you can…be it right or wrong. In a lot of ways, I am like that. I try to control things in my own life. But realistically, how much control do we really have? I think letting go, opening up, and trusting in what the god and goddess have intended for us is the true path to healing.
Let me ask you,” Why?”
“Have you thought about this? Do you honestly believe that everyone is out to stand in your way? Do you think this might be transference from this tumor? I could see where you might feel this tumor is standing in the way of your goals. I do not believe anyone in this Grove is. The Grove has bylaws that we all must accept and adhere to. To compromise any one law for the sake of advancement for anyone is wrong and makes our very foundation false. Oak roots grow deep. Our bylaws are those roots. Ultimatums are the winds that blow a storm. The Oak may shake and bend but its strength lies in its root system. And the storm always passes. And the Oak is always grounded.
As a warrior, it is a lot easier to go out fighting. But doesn’t this world already have enough warriors? In my opinion, they haven’t helped this world, only made it worse. But how do you fight the problems and challenges in this life? Why must there be fighting? Why not healing? Isn’t Aikido philosophically about going with the flow of things? Taking energy directed at you and turning it into something else by its own momentum?
Have you considered the metaphysical side of this?
Yeah, I’m asking a lot of questions. Questions designed to make you think if you haven’t already. Questions that I really desire answers to as well, so I might find some understanding. I really want to know where you are at and why, and if you know where you are at and why.
On a more specific level, I’ve been getting a weird vibe from Henry. We used to get along fine, and we would talk when we had the chance. Lately, he has been standoffish. Is there a reason for this? Do you know what that reason is? From what I have gathered Henry still doesn’t know the full extent of what happened on Samhain. For the record, I’ve let that go. We had our talk, made apologies, and moved on. However, if Henry sees me as the fall guy here, we haven’t really moved on. It means he doesn’t know what really happened. I have no problem owning my faults. I consider myself very self honest and aware, so much so that it is rare when someone can point out my misgivings before I know of them. That leaves me to assume that you have not owned your actions entirely. If I am wrong on this, please help me to understand.
Also, as you have by now become aware of, the vibe of the group has changed. In fact your actions seem to have changed to me. Maybe that’s a good thing. You have been friendlier with other coven members as of late, when in the past you did not give them the time of day. This is a good thing. It is a sign of change for the better, but I get the impression that it is almost too late. There is suspicion and questions about your motives for this. Then again these are not my issues to address. I’ve always treated you as an equal, and valued your talents. I never thought or got the impression otherwise that you thought any less of me. However, I would like to give you the opportunity to address any issues you have with me in the coven work.
I also would like to talk to you about any issues you might have with me personally, but that should be another time, and with Rae or Jane.
The only other concern I have is attendance. On occasion you miss events, sometimes on short notice, sometimes relayed through others. We were all given calendars. I’m not sure what has happened to yours, but we made schedules early so that we could plan our lives around it. And yet, you still on occasion lose the three month calendar that I send. I save these sent documents to verify my transactions as well as to have a back-up when needed. Look , if anyone is going to miss coven events, that are required in the bylaws to attend if they want to advance, then simply follow the rules. Making exceptions , or trying to change the rules is playing politics. And politics do not belong in this coven, in my opinion. If someone doesn’t agree with the rules, that’s fine too, but don’t expect advancement.
We all have busy lives. Just ask anyone in this house hold how difficult it is to keep me still. Nevertheless, this coven is a priority to me. The people within this coven are family to me.
You know, Joe Seely had to face confrontation. He had problems with attendance as with other things. He gracefully took a leave of absence to get his shit straight, to own it and to make amends.
Jason Blackstone ran away from responsibility, responsibility to himself and to the coven.
We all must look in the mirror periodically throughout our lives. We can do one of two things. We can turn away and refuse to see, or we can take a good hard look at ourselves, see what and who and where we are- as well as what and who we are becoming. This is confrontation.
I think the Oak is the perfect symbol for our group. It’s about growth, perseverance, planting seeds, grounding, and weathering the storm.
Self-growth and awareness, perseverance in conflict, grounding ourselves so we don’t get caught up in the winds that blow, and planting seeds so that others might grow in a similar fashion.
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